You are the average of the people you interact with most. Back in 2013 I asked my four closest mates what they were earning. I was within $50 of the average!
I also happened to be the average of their health: one was super-man fit, another was fighting off a tropical virus, I was smack bang in the middle.
All four were ravenously pursuing spiritual goals, I was right up there with them.
All four were single, me too. Three of them have subsequently gotten married, the last two of us are bringing up the rear slowly but surely.
The clothes I wore, the car I drove, the language I used, the food I ate, even my bed time, were all the average of these four fellas. Who I am today, is a result of the friends I chose to be challenged by (and as importantly, who I chose not to interact with).
If the people that get you happen to be online, then use the internet to drive connection off the internet. Set meet ups with the people who you want to influence your life. Getting around the right people is the biggest success hack in the world.
You want to be professional-athlete fit? Get around professional athletes. And go one step further: stop spending time with lazy people who eat badly.
Surround yourself with people on similar missions. If you want to sit around eating badly and watching tv then surround yourself with people who will reinforce that in you. And get rid of people who will challenge that behaviour, and make you feel uncomfortable!
If you want to be really purposeful, then get around people who share your purpose and will reinforce that dream in you. And start avoiding people who derail your goals and habits.
The power of synergy. When two or more people gather around the same mission, their results are amplified.
This is what makes marriage so powerful; get two purposeful people into a partnership and they amplify each other to be more awesome than they could be alone.
Get two directionless people into a partnership and they amplify each other to be more miserable than they could be alone.
Seek out people on the same path as you and look for ways to amplify each others awesomeness.
One of the ways you know that you are in a good relationship is by the amount of truth that you can give and take with a person.
If you are walking on egg shells or exchanging lies then you are in fear of that person’s reactions to your truth.
The more you love someone, the more you want to know their truth.
You start out every new relationship with small truths “it’s raining outside,” and begin giving bigger truths “I don’t like it when it rains” which opens you up to disagreement.
It is when we fear disagreement, punishment, or rejection that we start hiding our truths.
Someone does something that we don’t like, and instead of saying “hey when this happened, I felt uneasy/vulnerable/angry, can we talk about why I felt those feelings?” we rather just stuff those feelings down and put a bit of distance into the relationship by closing the other person out.
What if I can’t find the people I need to be around? Start an invisible council.
Who are the five people, living or dead, that inspire you most? Read their books, watch their videos, listen to their recordings, go to their seminars, and you will soon achieve two things: 1) you will start rising to their standards and 2) you will start meeting others who are doing this very thing.
Social Media. Don’t give an open door to people who you wouldn’t swap places with.
Seriously. Half the people that you get so worked up over, or get discouraged by, don’t even matter to you. Who are the people that you would swap places with or are super inspired by? These are the only people whose opinions you should be entertaining.
We need to get intentional about setting boundaries in our relationships. When people disrespect and derail your deepest truth, your purpose in life, you have the full responsibility of receiving or rejecting their opinions/actions.
“No thank you. I will not accept this opinion/action in my life. This is my purpose… And I will live accordingly. If you want to support that, this is how you can… If not, I will not be entertaining this…”
So lets take action, write down the people you are currently interacting with the most. With each person, would I want their life as a whole? Is there an aspect of their life that I do want?
What goals and habits am I moving towards?
Who are the people (real friends or digital) that have goals and habits similar to mine? How can I spend more time around them? Now reach out and meet up with your purposeful, intentional life.